Adventures in Pregnancy Tests

Before I begin this post, please note-I am not pregnant. There may be times in this story where one might think I am, but do not be fooled (like I was).

It began last week, when I thought I might be pregnant. I took a test and was disappointed to find it negative. I followed the intructions by waiting a few more days, then took another one. This particular test did not work.

This is where it gets fun.

Being the money saver that I am, I called Kroger and explained I had bought an inefffective test from their store and wondered if they let buyers receive another one for free. Thankfully, they do. I found it odd that they wanted me to return the old one (really-it's my pee on a stick), but I packaged it up with the receipt and went about returning it. They assured me I could return it to any Kroger, so I went to the one two minutes from my house.

I went to the customer service desk, quietly trying to explain my situation (and you know a line starts to form behind me at that exact moment), while the lady looks at me like I am completely insane. She then calls over to another worker to get their opinion on it. I believe I said out loud, "Please, let's involve more people in this." These two women had not a clue what to do (even though the answer was simple-give me another test) so they asked a man.

My face was beet red by this point.

Well, the man did not know what to do and while the three of them stood around discussing the problem of the day, another worker three aisles away decided to yell, "Hey, what's going on?"

I had to bite my tongue to keep from yelling at the nosy twit.

They finally asked a manager (novel idea) who told them I had to return it to the original store.

Fun times.

So, I packed up the kids, headed to the store twelve minutes away (Cincinnati has Krogers about every two miles in every part of the city), walked up to the customer service desk and was just thrilled to find that a man was working the desk.

Thankfully this young man was embarrassed enough to not ask further details, directed me to the tests and let me walk away with whatever one I choose-no further money involved.

This test turned out to be positive, which we were thrilled about. We have been talking about whether to try for a third child or not so I guess our true feelings were discovered through this process. I called my doctor to check with them first (I trust the tests, but like to have a doctor actually tell me for sure) and the nurse said the tests are accurate and to set up my eight week appointment.

So, I made plans to pack up the kids and surprise my parents for the weekend (especially since it was my mom's birthday on the 24th), but just in case, took a test the day I was leaving. It was negative. I called my doctor again and they finally decided I was worth seeing that day. They treated me like a pregnant patient, gave me all the paperwork on what to eat and what to do, and then told me in the room I was not pregnant.

The disappointment I felt leaving that office made me have a greater sympathy for women who miscarry. I sobbed over something I never had and it made me mourn for those who have real loss.

The moral of the story-do not trust the tests. Sure, 99% of the time they are right, but that 1% does exist. Trust me. And if you run into an emotional rollercoaster of a week like I did-find the humor in it.