The Kids

The Kids

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Heartbeat

The sound of a heartbeat is a beautiful thing. It represents life, no matter the age.

I never fully appreciated hearing my children's heartbeats while I was pregnant with them, until I carried a child who did not have one. I was blessed with healthy pregnancies and took it for granted that everything would be okay. When I saw the ultrasound of our six week baby a few months ago and was told "There is no heartbeat," my world shattered.

However, God's mercies are new every morning. It may take many mornings to finally see the mercies, but they are there.

When I found out I was pregnant again so soon after the miscarriage, I was torn between excitement and fear. It was exciting to think about a new life, but I was too nervous to fully appreciate the reality of what was happening. Why should I get excited over something that might not last? After a miscarriage, the innocence is lost.

At my seven week appointment, the ultrasound tech (the same one who informed me that my third baby was not okay) started her routine. The moment I saw the flutter and even heard the "thump thump" of the heartbeat, tears flowed from my eyes. I felt more emotion in that moment than I ever did with my first two pregnancies. Not because this baby means more, but because I entered that appointment with a fear that I never felt with the others.

My joy was overflowing at the ten week appointment when I heard the heartbeat with the doppler. I watched Nick beam while Caleb listened in wonder at what he was hearing (and later heard Abby complain that she missed it while being at school, even though she was always with me to hear Caleb's). How can such a simple sound move this grown woman to tears every time?

As I quickly grow into maternity clothes and feel sick every afternoon, I am joyful because of the life that is growing inside of me. His mercies are indeed new every morning.

3 comments:

Great-Grandma Loesch said...

Tammy, I cried too,knowing that there was a little heartbeat, meaning God is merciful and wants you to have another child, who will mean so much to you and Nick. Even though you can't forget the other time when there was no heartbeat, you know that the child is in God's loving hands and will watch over it until you see it again. God's blessings and take care of all those little ones. I would love to see them someday soon. Pregancies are so special to a woman, because giving life is absolutely the most wonderous gifts we can give. Give Abbey, Caleb and the new one a kiss from their Great Grandma.

Rosanne Jorgensen said...

Tammy, very well said. I know how you feel exactly. So glad you continue to do well this time. I know how scary it is every time you go for an ultrasound. I always have that fear that I won't hear the heartbeat. And you never do forget that feeling. It's so true how overwhelming and how much you do appreciate it when you do hear it.
I am in my 14th week, and so thankful to be getting a little belly. It makes it feel more real. I feel a little more at ease, and I'm finally getting excited!
You're children are beautiful!
All the best, Rosanne

Bev said...

So beautifully written Tammy, and another tear jerker for me!! I pray for you all and the new little one everyday-Love you