I know I should be setting an example for my children on what a Christian should be. They follow my actions and attitudes. I hear Abby when she says, "Oh Mommy, it's a red light" in a sad voice while we are driving. I hear Caleb say, "Go, go, go" when we are stuck in traffic. So, clearly, I could be doing a better job.
I have really been trying to work on my patience, particularly when driving. I could blame my bad attitude on growing up in the country where the occasional Amish buggy might get in the way. I could say that I am still getting used to city driving. (And then I could admit that I have lived here for five years now and realize I am full of it.)
Just when I think I have come a long way, today happened. I was driving home from Abby's school, going through a series of lights not too far before our house. The last light before a two mile stretch of nothing brings two lanes down to one. Technically there are two lanes going through the light, but immediately it comes down to one after crossing through.
So, I am sitting at the next to the last light, leading the line (my competitive spirit loves when that happens) when I see this little blue car sneaking out of the line behind me to park himself next to me at the soon to be non-existent lane. There is a chance he wants to turn onto another road or pull into a business, but I know this type. He honestly thinks he is going to pass me, in my really cool mini-van.
This little voice inside of me (I think it is called a conscience) is telling me to relax and just drive normal. But, the sinful part of me (which won today) floored it the second that light turned green. Never mind the cost of gas and how that was really wasteful. Never mind the sounds of my kids in the back, saying "Whoa!" and the stroller in the back crashing against the side of the van. I was determined.
Unfortunately, Mr. Blue Car decided to floor it as well. I had one of two choices-slow down and suck up my pride or keep going.
I kept going.
And I won.
But, did I really? Yes, there was a huge satisfaction to seeing that little blue car get behind me in humiliation. Getting smoked by a mini-van should teach him a lesson. However, what did I really prove? What if that guy was really late for something important? What if he was having a bad day and I just become the icing on the cake? And what if my kids decide to follow my behavior and think of themselves first in every situation?
I need to remember this the next time I am encountered with this situation-which should be around the same time tomorrow when I am driving home again.